Lying Is A Cooperative Act

Pamela Meyer makes many fabulous points in this TED Talk. I want to focus on just one – Lying is a cooperative act.

Over my last two posts, I’ve discussed how to tell if a spouse is cheating. Today I’d like to talk about how infidelity doesn’t happen in a vacuum. A liar lies to someone who either believes the lie or doesn’t.  In Overlook, Kitty Haskell chooses to ignore her husband’s infidelity. She saw the signs, but it was inconvenient to acknowledge them. It didn’t serve her purposes to be the wronged wife. She liked her life as a loving wife and mother. She would have gone on ignoring her husband’s behavior – until she couldn’t anymore.

Signs That Your Spouse Is Cheating

The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy claims that 15% of wives and 25% of husbands cheat. Other studies report much higher percentages. The surveys also show that people usually know that their spouse is cheating, although they may choose to ignore it. When I was doing research for Overlook, I ran across some classic signs of infidelity. You’d have to work hard to ignore these.

The Classics:

  1. Your spouse suddenly looks fabulous. Has your hubby bought some new shirts and sent the old ratty ones with the missing buttons to Good Will? Has your wife started coloring her hair? Have they join a gym? It’s not for your benefit.
  2. Your spouse has new underwear that you didn’t buy for them. Have the plain white boxers been replaced by slim fitting silky togs? Those sexy new underthings aren’t for your benefit.
  3. There are strange charges on the your credit card.
  4. Their clothes smell like someone else’s perfume or cologne. You’d have to work hard to ignore this clue.
  5. They are often working late. Unless their job has changed, question new overtime or late meetings.
  6. You used to be the-other-woman. What makes you think he/she would change?
  7. You have an STD when you have not strayed.


How to Spot Signs of Infidelity
Warning Signs of Cheating Spouses
Nip Infidelity in the Bud